how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
