ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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