ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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