you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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