we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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