just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
