wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
