bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
