just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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