Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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