I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am spending my child support on dildos
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
