You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
