Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
