Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
ok first of all what the fuck
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
