You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
