Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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