dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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