As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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