you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
