he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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