Well douche your snatch and let's go!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
