Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
two words...techno handjob
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
