Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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