return my video game
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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