Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
