at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Two words: blizzard sex
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
