I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
