I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
