i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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