Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
