bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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