I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
