On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't like sucking hair
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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