He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
