Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
