"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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