yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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