He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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