I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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