just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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