So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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