Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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