I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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