I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
