I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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