And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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