I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
