Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
