we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
