so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
