Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
