I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
