I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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