3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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