talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
