Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
