I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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