So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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