also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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