I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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