my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Rumble strips road head = magical
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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