I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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