We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
