She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
