I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
