how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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