I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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