remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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